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4th January 2024 Written by Dvonne Loring
Disappointment has been an erupting theme for me since the end of 2023
It became evident how much I do to avoid disappointment
Why?
Somehow, along the way in my life, disappointment became a reflection that something was wrong with me
It felt threatening to my sense of worth
My sense of achievement
And it undermined my sense of success
So yes, understandably, if that’s the threat ‘disappointment’ posed, of course I’m going to avoid it
However, as a result of a relentlessly gruelling year, I found myself in a position where I simply didn’t have the energy to continue avoiding disappointment like I usually would
It was taking more energy and effort than simply allowing it
Feeling like I had no other choice, I began to allow things to land where they were supposed to, free of my influence
This was hard
I noticed my compulsion to take action and do something about it
On the one hand, it can be empowering to take control where I can
On the other, it has also disguised where ‘taking control’ were desperate attempts to placate my fear
I’ve been meeting some mother fucking heavy shit in the spaciousness
I’ve been honestly witnessing an array of anxious tendencies and how I use them to fend off feelings of not only disappointment
But also grief, feeling unloved, alone, lonely, not good enough and shame
And just how much these tendencies can exhaust me
.
There’s a difference between avoidance and acceptance
Acting like we don’t care is not letting go
I see it everywhere
How we have cultural lore around “no expectations” and “not getting our hopes up”
We aspire to be unphased, untouched and unbothered
This is celebrated and glorified
Why though?
We don’t realise that in hedging our bets to soften the disappointment blow, we’re also robbing ourselves of the richness when our hopes are in fact met
To dull down our disappointment means to dilute what feels truly alive
It means to distance ourselves from what matters to us in fear of it hurting
It means to take the path of least resistance when instead the fire is calling us to be brave and open our hearts
“I feel like collectively we are watering down our desire, until it’s so bland it’s not worth fighting for”
- Isis Leeor
Being non-chalant when we actually care is doing a disservice to us
.
What if I told you your disappointment actually brought you closer to your desire?
What if I told you that feeling disappointment meant you had the courage to actually care and invest in something important and meaningful, regardless of the outcome?
What if we reframed disappointment and viewed it as a gateway rather than an obstacle?
One that can invite you into greater intimacy with what you want and what you desire
Be it a beckoning of bravery to feel the pain and the hunger in your heart for its longing
Disappointment isn’t a sign of failure
It’s a sign of your willingness to open your heart to something
To vulnerability risk
Anything worthwhile takes risk darlings
Otherwise we wouldn’t care
And when we acquire things we don’t care about, it’s empty and meaningless
A sacredness is lost
So here’s your invitation -
Allow your heart to feel the burn of disappointment so it lights a fire and illuminates where exactly your desire is
xx
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