Jul 18, 2023

The Shadow of Birthdays

18th July 2023 Written by Dvonne Loring

I’ve always been a self described “birthday person”

For me, it’s my favourite time of the year

And not just for my own, but for others’ too

I adore taking the opportunity to celebrate and share what people mean to me, especially on their birthday

Culturally we’re superimposed with images of balloons, cake and candles

They’re often associated with excitement, happiness and joy

However, birthdays are much richer, deeper and complex than this cultural picture paints

It can be a time to arrive, look around and reflect on life that has brought you to this point each year

It can be a time where sensitivities and tenderness surface, where you're reminded of your unmet longing and yearnings

It can be a time of togetherness, connection and love

It can be a reminder of your losses and heartbreaks

It can also make you feel alone and arouse feelings of loneliness

It can evoke all of it

For some, they bask in the event and drink in the opportunity to celebrate

For others it’s an ordinary day, unlike any other, no more, no less

There are some who are ambivalent and torn about birthdays

Then there are some that avoid them and deny that a day of birth exists

Notice how you behave in response to your birthday…

If you’d like to become more intimate with yourself, there is fascinating inner material that is being offered to you at this time of year

Your birthday can shine light on where you’re hurting

On where love is calling you

And perhaps where love was lacking in the past

It’s a time where you might risk feeling disappointed and behave in certain ways to minimise this

What I’m illuminating here darlings is

Birthdays are vulnerable

It’s a time where you might hope to feel loved, special, cared for, connected and thought of

And it can feel like a sharper pinch when you don’t feel these things with the depth and breadth you hope to

Birthdays can whisper sweet somethings about your relationship with yourself, your life and to those you care about

Birthdays can invite you to reflect on what you have accomplished, where you feel you have failed and where you wish you were

Birthdays can be a time where your defences tighten

Where your self denying traits aggressively arm in an effort to make you invulnerable to unspoken trauma

You see, it makes sense why you might find birthdays tricky, you haven’t been taught how to sit with or be with all the textured layers it comes with

Whatever comes up for you, I invite you to instead of meeting it with reproach or merging with it

Simply honour it

Your being wants to express itself

When you allow this

When you feel the truth of the moment

You have the opportunity to be beckoned home

How do you feel about birthdays?

What are you potentially trying to avoid feeling?

What would happen if you allowed yourself to feel it? Even just a little?

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