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7th September 2022 Written by Dvonne Loring
Disempowered Illness
It comes from personal experience why I included ‘The Feminine’ into the framework that I developed that informs how I work with my clients.
As women, no doubt we have navigated concerns regarding our female health.
I’m no different.
Since my late teens, I’ve always experienced irregular periods. I went to the GP, and at the time, none the wiser, I was frustrated at the female doctor who laid me down and examined my abdomen area, asking questions like - did I experience any pain or tenderness when she touched different areas. Even at a young age, I had indoctrinated the idea that taking a pill would be the miraculous cure. It's a shame that at the time it felt like needless poking and prodding when all I wanted was to be prescribed the pill - the ‘holy grail’ of regulating female hormones according to western medicine.
My experience of being on the pill was hormonally hellish and short lived. It was like I was in a perpetual state of pms with unbearable food cravings and a hunger I couldn’t satiate so I discontinued taking it.
I returned to a different doctor, concerned my period was still irregular; even after a few courses the pill had done nothing.
“Your period is irregular because of the pill” he advised.
I was confused. I had been told if I had irregular periods, the pill would ‘fix’ it. Now that I’m off the pill, I’m being told my irregular period is because of the pill. This was my first impasse that instilled doubt about how doctors could help me.
I knew I didn’t want to go back on the pill and I figured because I had never experienced any pain with my period, just that I’d often miss it, that I was ‘ok’.
Fast forward nearly fifteen years. For the first half of 2021, I didn’t get my period. Not once. Again, I wasn’t bothered by it. Internalised patriarchy framed this as convenient, especially because I wasn’t experiencing any discomfort or pain. In fact, I felt lucky that I was able to escape this condemned ‘monthly curse’.
Simultaneously, up to this point I’d accumulated three consecutive cervical tests (pap smears) that had come back with abnormalities. I’d also had on and off disturbances with vaginal pH levels. And yet, I was still apathetic and didn’t give any of this a second thought.
I had basically abandoned my female health.
Why?
Multiple times in the past I’d had bloods taken, tests done and ultrasound scans to determine the cause for my irregular periods. I had several different opinions and each and every doctor wasn’t able to tell me what was going on or what else I could do. I lost faith. I felt powerless. I didn’t trust Western medicine could help given I was always left feeling more confused and unsure after appointments. It felt easier to ignore everything not knowing where to turn to next.
It wasn’t until seeing a gynaecologist because of my abnormal cervical tests, I asked if there was anything I could do to help my body clear the HPV virus. His advice was - “Nothing. You can't do anything” point blank.
In that moment, my apathy dissolved and anger began to bubble.
I was confronted with my own cognitive dissonance because I ‘value’ connecting with my inner feminine and what it means to me to be a woman yet I had been ignoring clear signs that things were amiss.
My frustration at the medical system’s disgraceful approach to female health ignited a fire. Instead of listening to the male gynaecologist telling me I’m powerless in my situation and simply hope for the best until I see him again, that evening I made the executive decision that my female health was going to become a priority.
No more fucking around, no more indifference.
Then something miraculous happened.
Exactly two weeks later, after 6 months of not bleeding, my period came.
Call it a coincidence. Perhaps. But nonetheless, this inspired the fuck out of me and set a trajectory of magic.
Has any of my experience spoken to yours? Do any of the themes I've touched on resonate and feel true for you? I welcome your comments below
Stay tuned for part 2
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