How Trauma Shows Up

3rd October 2023 Written by Dvonne Loring

I had a dream about my upcoming, first ever, in-person workshop

I’d gone about my day and it dawned on me three hours after the start time that it was on

I’d forgotten about it

I made a mad rush to the venue

Flustered

Stressed

Panicking

I arrived and a few of the attendees were still there patiently awaiting me

I apologised profusely trying to scramble for this complete oversight on my end

I fumbled my way to try and enter and access the building

I felt incompetent, unprofessional and was filled with great disappointment

It was a complete disaster

.

My dream depicted my worst fear - no preparation and being completely at a loss

How I’ve managed this familiar feeling is to go into extreme planning and preparation which can often leave me tired and overworked

What this also quietly does is erode my self trust and my belief in my ability, my knowledge and what I have to offer

.

Safe to say

Nerves are creeping in as the workshop draws nears

But there’s a deeper, bolder, more robust feeling that’s here with me

It goes beyond this workshop

It’s been with me for a long time

Terror

I feel this in a familiar place inside

It’s coupled with a helpless powerlessness that draws a sickening feeling in my belly

It’s a trauma response

Nerves, doubt, apprehension, resistance are appropriate responses to this new situation

To feel terror however, mmmm I recognise this is disproportionate and a call for inquiry

Now, I’m naming this in an effort to highlight how your past can (and does) colour your present experiences and how that can influences your decision making

I’ve turned down many opportunities, invitations and ideas

As well as shut the door to possibility and potential due to this terror

It has been, and continues to be a powerful force in my life

I used to curse it, often

I hated it because I saw it as holding me back

And I can still resent it, even now

What I remind myself here is that this terror is being felt by a younger, much more tender and innocent part of me that’s pleading for loving acknowledgement and who doesn't yet feel safe enough

To suppress

Ignore

Avoid

Or hurry it along

This can often further lock the terror into place

Why?

Because all these means of ridding the feeling is demonstrating to this part it is not ready to let go yet

.

I’m creating a trauma-informed business

From the inside out

From the ground up

For my clients and myself

.

I’ve been very intentional with how much time I have dedicated to planning this workshop

I’ve wanted to practice and play with new ways of meeting this terror I can (often) feel when I’m trying something new

Authenticity takes courage

It takes bravery

And it gently asks you to trust where you otherwise haven’t before

There’s risk involved

It’s up to you how much risk, if any at all, you are willing or are able to take

.

Before any significant event, I tend to have chaotic dreams in the lead up

My workshop included

To feel resistance when something important is approaching, though uncomfortable is also welcome

It can signify that you’re leaning into a new edge

Offer yourself some loving grace

Allow yourself to grow into the new space you’re going to inhabit

.

So here I am

Loving me here, scared and terrified

Because that’s true and honest

And that’s what authenticity is all about

xx

If being true to who you are is important to you

But you find it hard or don't have many places where you can be

Join me in my workshop - Authentic Blooming

This has been created for you to be feel safe, warmed and welcomed

A space for you to feel, express and celebrate who you are

Tickets are available here

Purchase yours now