Dance with Darkness

11th September 2023 Written by Dvonne Loring

I finished up with a client recently after six months of working together

Our work together was some of the most beautifully meaningful and challenging I’d ever faced

I was reminded of the plight that firmly grips on to your soul as a result of complex trauma

It reminded me of how vulnerable we are as children to the influence of our parents and caretakers and the environments in which we grow

For some those conditions support a well integrated human being to emerge, not immune from pain, doubt or fear but one who has a sense of who they are and where they belong

For others, the conditions they were met with robbed them of an upbringing they deserved

And instead they emerge with a shattered sense of self that they will either spend their entire life trying to organise the shards and piece them together or simply run away because the pain is too great to endure

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I’m ever-humbled by my work

It’s both important and rewarding, but it is also sobering

It can remind me of the suffering I have endured myself

Those dark, bleak places that I was imprisoned by

Even though I know and understand how to allow the light into my life

I’ll never forget those dark places

I can’t

I will forever be grieving how those dark places deeply harmed me

And how when I’m there, I fret that it mightn’t ever pass and I’ll be eternally stuck there

This acknowledgement isn’t soaked in despair

No

Rather it’s to avoid the seduction to believe that darkness can’t call me again

Because it does

Often

And when it does, this world feels like a fucking scary place once more

I’m right back to where I never wanted to return to

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The complexity of life has always perplexed and fascinated me alike

I’ve sometimes wondered if there’s a sprinkle of masochism in my relationship with pain and suffering

I’ve always been drawn to the dark noir, the haunting depths and the low thrum of fear

There’s a familiarity it offers that is inviting

I’ve learnt to harness this as a way to remain grounded

To remember that though life is filled with beauty, love and awe

That it’s also filled with agonizing injustice

To indulge in simply one or the other is to become avoidant in some way

My relationship with darkness invites me into deep appreciation for the wonder and hope that life can also offer

To be alive is to feel

And not just to feel happy, joyful or at peace

The rawness of our griefs, our pain, our heartache can draw us equally into life also

It all has its place

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The more familiarity, tolerance and capacity you have to be with and hold the darkness

The richer, sweeter, fuller and more glorious the light can be

Darkness can be an invitation for you to discover who you really are through your shadows

It can be a summoning of connection where there is otherwise disconnection and exile

It can draw you into authenticity

I’m facilitating an in-person workshop on 14th October - Authentic Blooming which is a space to invite you to express more of who you are and to have the freedom to be imperfect

Early bird tickets are available now

To buy your ticket or learn more click here

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I used to think my almost obsession with pain was a desire to dance with the devil

I’m now discovering it’s a call to dance with life itself

xx