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dvonneloring
Dec 14, 2022

4 Tips When Making Big Decisions

14th December 2022 Written by Dvonne Loring


From within the walls of my Inner Winter hibernation


There's an important date to be remembered


A year ago - December 14th 2021, I quit my job in community mental health and decided to embark on journey of self-employment and setting up my own business


Holy fucking shit. I still feel in disbelief that I did this


I left my most handsomely paid role for the complete unknown


What helped me make this big decision -


I sat with it, for a long time

I was stuck and paralysed by fear for the most part of a year before making that life changing decision. The resistance palpably visceral; I could feel the fibres in my cells pulling me back and away from this new edge that was inevitably coming towards me. Somewhere inside, I knew there was something awaiting in the stuckness so instead of prematurely jumping ship to discharge the discomfort as quickly as possible, I endured it (for what felt like an eternity) which allowed me to understand why I was choosing to stay and informed my decision to leave.


I started listening to the signs of my body

I was waking up more often than not bracing with dread tightening my belly and anxiety filling my chest, everyday I was dragging myself through the mud up an unrelenting hill. I was cranked in survival mode, riddled with severe chronic stress, pushing well beyond what was comfortable for me and overriding my body. Why was I doing this?

I was staying in this environment that was burning me out because there are deep parts of me that needed the familiarity, security and stability that my job was providing. Unfortunately, my need for safety (obtained through stable employment and income) was undermining my need for fulfilment and was severely compromising my overall health. This is a fork in the road many people face and it’s not one to be considered lightly. I knew that meaningful and sustainable work and service was important to me, so was my health and wellbeing. I had to make a radical decision. And I did. I chose to quit my job to both make my health a priority and to create space for the possibility for a better and more serving work environment.


I got honest about the role I was playing in my own misery

There was great comfort in feeling powerless and at the mercy of my circumstances. Uncertainty and a lack of confidence were huge contributors to remaining in a line of work that was causing harm to my well-being. Leaving meant meeting my fear, acknowledging my doubt and the part of me that questions my ability. I couldn’t avoid these things and step forward with the biggest professional and lifestyle decision I’d ever made; they come as a packaged deal. Ask yourself - by not making a decision, what am I avoiding? I was being asked to trust in ways I hadn’t before and didn’t know if I was ready for, which led me to…


I sought support knowing my doubt would be centre stage

I know myself well. I knew it was going to be tough and I was going to face challenges that would feel as though they exceeded my own skill set so I signed up for a 12 month business coaching mentorship both to support me whenever I was point blank faced with unimaginable uncertainty, enough to make your knees weak. I allowed myself to be guided through my business initiation where I could be supported, encouraged, validated and told that what I’m going through is normal and not evidence that I’m failing and/or getting it wrong. Gather people around you that can support you to hold your vision, especially when you’re struggling to yourself.


Today also marks the last coaching call within my business mentorship. Synchronicity illuminating the full circle I have journeyed


This wasn’t a decision that was neatly packaged, insight didn’t arrive as soon as I needed it, I wasn’t met with a clear vision, direction and overflowing with confidence.


A decision or choice, especially one that will induce big change, may likely come with enormous internal opposition. There will be parts of you so terrified of even new and exciting possibilities that it will put on the most elaborate show and draw up the most convincing case in order for you to retreat


In those moments, where your confusion, doubt, fear, critic and shame are the loudest, that can be a sign you're sitting upon a growth’s edge. Don’t confuse this with thinking it’s the wrong decision. This could very well be indicating it’s exactly where you need to be, underscoring your own cognitive dissonance and inviting you in to what feels more aligned and true for you and is asking for a leap of faith


If I could impart a few words to Dvonne 12 months ago, I would say this -


I’m fucking proud of you. Proud of you for choosing to listen, not to the bullshit outside but to the calling within. Choosing to not settle. Radically prioritising your health and happiness. You chose vulnerability over victimhood. I admire your courage to arrive at the threshold of a new path for yourself. You bowed to the mystery of the unknown and that is a level of courage... I’m inspired by.


Life is always calling you into further intimacy with yourself; big decision are but one doorway in


If you’re ready to make meaningful change in your life


If you have a longing to truly know yourself


If you're feeling empty and disconnected and curious about what brings you to life


If you’re sitting at that fork where there’s a big decision awaiting you and you want to be supported


If you’re ready to connect with yourself in honest ways so you can start living with greater authenticity and ease


My coaching container can support you to do exactly that where you will be held by me and guided by your own inner Knowing to meet yourself and unrealised parts of the authentic life that are awaiting you


Learn more here


xx



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